But Death Is Not Kind To Everyone: A Story of Regret
She didn’t know how long it had been but it felt like an eternity, like an entire age had passed by right before her eyes and she couldn’t keep up with it. She saw with her two eyes her world stopping, coming to hold, every day looking exactly the same.
It made her wonder what is it that she did to deserve an end like this. Why cannot God kill her instead of making her suffer like she is a spirit belonging to hell? Every day she woke with one wish — to die. To die and never have to go through this humiliation, pain, and misery. But every day, death laughed at her face and the devil enjoyed seeing her in pain.
She kept her eyes shut for the larger part of the day assuming if she closed her eyes long enough, she might either die or wake up from this bad dream and realize life has given her a new chance, and this time, she wouldn’t waste it. She will be grateful for her body and treat it with respect and be kind and loving to all. But alas! The bad dream didn’t end, it made reality ever so painful yet again.
She couldn’t understand how this happened. She was just fine the night she slept after having a full meal and feeling quite stuffed. She was 70 and didn’t have the power to walk after the meal, so she planned to go for an early walk. Little did she know, her plans and God’s didn’t quite match.
The next day, the old lady was found in a weird position by her family who rushed her to the hospital but nothing could make her right again. She had suffered a brain stroke and her left side was completely paralyzed. For days, she was unconscious in the hospital. No one came to visit her except her middle son. When the doctor said, ‘We cannot save her now,’ the son brought her back to the hospital.
At her home, she lay awake all through the night wondering ‘What had happened to her body? Why cannot she get up? How long she would have to go through this pain? What did she do wrong? Was she being punished? When will this end?’
But the answers didn’t come. She hoped, though, that one day, she would be able to walk again. But every time, someone came to bathe her, clean her poop, or feed her, she felt the punch of humiliation right in her guts. She lived a prideful life. And now she couldn’t even…Oh, she asked God once again, what have I done to you?
God didn’t answer. Her pain kept growing but death didn’t knock on her door. It made her laugh at the naked drama of human society.
How willful, prideful, and powerful, we all think we are. How we run around in circles to get the money, success, job, achievement, and power yet ‘you cannot buy death nor life.’ You could plead all you want, you can cry your lungs out, and you may want to give up all that you have gained, yet ‘death wouldn’t be kind to you. You cannot exchange money with either life or death.’ What kind of a drama it was? Why didn’t no one prepare for an end like this?
She knew life was uncertain and it could end at any point. But she never thought it would end like this for her. Maybe, she thought, this is where we go wrong. We know the fragile nature of life. We know we are barely hanging by the thread. We all know our breath is a balance between life and death and imbalance can occur at any point. Yet, we take it for granted. We never thought it could be our last year on this earth. We know reality as a fact but we never personalize this reality.
She whispered softly as if to search for her voice ‘I didn’t imagine even in my wildest dreams, I would have to face a day like this.’ Yet the day was here. She was suffering. Her own body wasn’t in her control. She witnessed her body melting to nothing. The days were long and she had nothing to do except to look back to her life. She knew her end was near and before it came, she wanted to analyze the kind of life she led. At least, life gave her that chance.
Looking back, she found how little she lived. She never went after her dreams because she was too afraid of ‘What would people think?’ and yet in this condition, there were no people to look after her. Then why did she waste all her life looking after the opinions of people? Why didn’t she wear bold colors and laugh un-lady-like? Oh, she remembered ‘I was afraid I might embarrass myself.’ Her fear became her reality. She did embarrass herself by cheating on her dreams. By giving more weight to the world than herself.
She wished if only she could go back in time and live one more time, she would do all that she once dreamt of, and this time, she wouldn’t even look at the people because people were not looking at her in her worst. She cried this time more loudly than ever not because her body was in pain but because her heart was pained to know that she missed all the wonderful chances to live her dream life only because the imaginary people in her mind had more weight than her dreams. She tried to wonder how different her life would have looked if only she had trusted herself, and done all that she wanted. Maybe then, the end wouldn’t have killed her every day because at least she could have a good life to look back at.
She thought maybe if a life is well-lived and centered around your heart’s desire, it gives you something to smile at on your worst days. Maybe if you live honoring your soul’s demand, you feel happy knowing you fulfilled your purpose in this world so the pain doesn’t hurt that bad. Maybe if you keep in mind that ‘your end’ can come in any form at any time, you might take each day more seriously and enjoy the company of those you love a little more. Maybe if you plan your life less and enjoy it more, you’ll have good days even on the days when you are dying.
But there was nothing she could do now. The regrets, fatigue, pain, and suffering were all too much to take. So, she slept throughout the day until one day, death finally forgave her and took her back to the place beyond earth, where her soul belonged.
PS: This is a fictional inspired by a real-life event. I am seeing someone suffer in my close family circle. She is suffering from a similar medical condition and the words ‘I never imagined, I would have to face this day’ are her words. I am writing first an article like this because looking at her, made me realize life surely is uncertain and we have no idea, how long we are here. I hope this story inspires you to live more loudly and do what you dream of.
