Here Is Why Your Relationships Don’t Work; The Heat of Love & How to Make Your Relationship a Long Lasting Love Story
I have been single since the day I am born. But all my friends (be it in school or college) were in relationships. And I don’t know if they were blind or what, but I could clearly see that their partner is not in love with them.
Or maybe judging from the outside is easier, right?
Well, I could have tagged myself as a judgmental person but believe it or not, my prediction about their breakup reason was always correct. Maybe I should get into astrology then?
Jokes, aside. Let’s see why relationships have become such a labor these days and how you can make your relationship work.
I believe that there could be hundreds of reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out but let’s see some common reasons why relationships have become a heavy weight for people that are drowning them.
1. The Heat of Love vs The Heat of Attraction:
After reading or watching a romantic movie, I take my time to stop daydreaming about the character. But I think some people keep on living in their dreamland they expect the same thing in reality.
Most people these days come into a relationship because they felt physically attracted to a person. They start talking and flirting with each other. Since you already find this person attractive, anything that person says makes you feel like a queen/king.
Humans crave attention. And when you get attention from a person who finds you attractive, you just start finding everything romantic without considering the red flags coming on your way. The newness, the spark, the romance, and obviously the physical attraction take over your heart. And then YOU CONVENIENCE YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE IN LOVE because the symptoms match the romantic movie you watched the other day.
Then for a few months, when everything is cute, new, and attractive, you find each other loving but as soon as the problems and issues of real life hit you, you find each other not compatible. When your or your partner’s real side comes out (which is not so dreamy and romantic), you think you have been cheated and that you didn’t sign up for this.
You repeat the same cycle with some other person. The problem is our generation is in so much hurry that we don’t take a second to understand if what we are feeling is attraction. If what we are feeling is nothing but quenching our deepest desire for attention. When there is just pure heat or rather pure physical heat, it cannot be love. While there is nothing in acknowledging that, it is wrong to ignore it.
You are a human. And when you see a person of the gender you are interested in who is physically attractive, you are bound to feel things.
Honestly speaking, I think most of the time everything starts from physical attraction. You find a person attractive, you make an effort to be friends with them or talk to them, right?
But after this, things should be taken slow.
You must take your time to understand the person in and out. How he thinks, what are his opinions on things that matter to you, and things like that? If you don’t feel the same heat after a few weeks, you know it was just a phase.
If the heat is still there then your heart shall answer. If his words, his thoughts, his opinions, his kindness, and his little act of love make you feel turned on, you are on the right path.
Understand this one basic thing: There is a difference between the heat of love and the heat of physical attraction. When you are physically attracted to someone or you love a person but he/she is just physically attracted towards you then things wouldn’t work out. Because the day you or your partner will find someone more attractive, cheating will become your breakup reason.
But the heat of love can never be replaced. If you want a person to love you, create a kind of environment for them that is irreplaceable. Make them feel important in ways that are real and come straight from your heart.
There are no hacks to this. When you create such an environment, no one can steal your partner or vice versa.
This is such a basic thing yet the most ignorant one. This Gen-Z takes everything as love. Right from a simple crush to a three-month-old relationship. Things don’t work like romantic movies. You have to be patient to understand your feelings first and then when you know you, you need to understand the feelings of your partner as well.
2. Where There is Peace:
I am no one to give a lecture on what love feels like but I know what love is not. Anything that has rush and speed is not love. Love doesn’t mean competing and love is not pretending. Love is not the most expensive thing nor something to show off.
I believe love is peace. If you can feel peaceful in the arms of your partner, maybe that’s love. Nothing to rush. Just you and your loved one.
A place where you don’t have to pretend or show off. A place that feels like Home is Love. And if you have this, don’t ever leave it for any stupid fight.
I have seen just one couple in my friend circle who has this kind of love so I know it exists.
But the other relationships that I have seen around me or on social media are exactly the opposite of this. If you have to pretend to be classy, and expensive with your partner, I would highly suggest you check with yourself.
If you want your relationship to be a long journey, be who you are. People choose to fall in love with someone trendy, cool, and acceptable in the social media cute couple community. But mark my words, nothing that is fake can ever last nor it can make you happy.
One day or the other reality will come out so better be real from the start. And always go for peace over coolness.
3. Do You Really Want a Relationship?
One of my observations says that people come into a relationship because they are too lonely.
Most people cannot be with themselves. They cannot bear the wildness of their mind. The worries of the future, the regrets from the past with no one to comfort, people just go out there to find any soldier that can comfort them. Or at least be with them.
Such people drag their partners into the hole of their darkness as well. Such people become toxic and need your attention all the time. Such people would want you to fix their life with your love.
So, ask yourself, are you one such person, or are you with such a person?
In any case, you are just creating hell for yourself.
If you are dating because bored, lonely, or because you want to show the world that you have a partner, you are betraying yourself and the other person as well. Find a toy to play with but not a person. Find a hobby to enjoy not a person.
And when you are in a relationship, analyze if you are being used as a toy or as a source of entertainment.
The right one will support you and inspire you to do more, and achieve more. The right one will be focused on your professional growth and things that excite you.
I didn’t have any intention to question your love life so if you feel anything like that, please take this article as my observation and experience. None of it is fact because love for everyone is different. But I do believe that these are the same basic mistakes or red flags that people should avoid. I hope you find a person who loves you as you deserve. And if not today one day you shall have a beautiful love story.