How Can You Find the Ground of Your Life Again?
Do you have any idea of the kind of person you are? Do you know why you do what you do? Do you realize why you do what you do when you don’t want to be doing it?
I have been trying to write this article for the past two hours. It’s not that I don’t know what I want to write but rather, I am in doubt if what I want to write is worth it or not.
I am not the first nor the last to this gate of hell that has a unique way of pulling you so behind in your own life as if you are looking at the details of your life as a stranger.
But why does it happen?
Why, despite wanting to do something, do we find flaws in our idea or ourselves?
It’s one question the answer to which keeps changing in my life.
At the moment, I don’t feel confident in my own ideas because I can sense a distance between myself and everything that matters to me.
This distance is filled with distraction and everything that I think I should be, but internally, I know I don’t want to be.
It’s like on one side, I am standing, and on the other side, where my dreams, my morals, my ideas, and my purpose stand. But the bridge is made of distractions, where no matter how fast I run, I can never reach the other side.
In simple words, I am walking on a path that doesn’t align with who I am.
It’s not the ground of my life.
And what happens when you walk on a ground that is not truly yours?
The Road to Misery:
Take a moment, step back, and without disdain or any judgement, try to observe your daily habits and actions — and the general outline of emotions you feel.
How do you feel in your day-to-day life? Based on your actions and habits, do you think you are true to your purpose, or do you drift away in the glamour of ‘what you should have become or achieved?’
For example, I make more money than I ever imagined was possible for me. I have more recognition than I thought I deserved. Yet, somehow, I feel more distant from myself than ever. Almost as if my soul is caged in the body of someone who always acts against my dreams.
But why do I feel this way?
Mainly, because I lost sight of who I was, what my purpose was, what mattered to me, and what I promised I would never do.
And when you lose sight of who you are, you start to become a reflection of your external surroundings — an image that is sold to you over and over again.
Though, it doesn’t matter who you become, how much you work, or what you achieve, if ‘It’s’ not what aligns with your heart, you will eventually end up suffering as if you are caged in your own mind, like you are suffocating, like you can see this isn’t who you are.
Then, How Do You Free Yourself & Find the Ground of Your Life Again?
What kind of a person are you?
Okay, let me tell you what kind of a person I think I am.
I am an extremely sensitive person. I am also quite strong-minded, but I come with a baggage of always looking up to others to see what I should be doing.
It’s a deadly combination especially in a world like ours where everyone’s job is to tell us ‘What we should be doing, what we shouldn’t do, what we should become, how we can optimize our lives, how can we achieve more, how can we become more successful, and how we should approach our lives.’
It doesn’t matter how strong-minded you are, it’s almost impossible to say NO to the glamour of the external world.
Everyone is better than you — better dressed, better accent, better food on their tables, better careers, better travel destinations, better partner, better children, better plans for their lives.
If they seem to be happy with who they are, shouldn’t we try to follow their footsteps, because if we do what they do, then we will be as happy as they are.
Isn’t that the reason more and more people are leaving their jobs to become ‘influencers?’
Influencers, who, no offense, but have no mind, no personal achievement, no solid educational background, but somehow we feel more inclined to be more like them.
I can bet, if you take a moment to pause and reflect on your life choices, or the things you think you should have, or achieved or purchased, you will realize half of the things you want never came from you.
To begin with, you never had a problem with how you looked until you saw a series of ‘flawless’ bodies and faces on social media. You never worried so much about not making IT BIG in the world until you watched on loop how people younger than you are invited to Dubai. You never cared if your salary was enough or not until you saw so many unboxing videos on TikTok and Instagram and thought, ‘I wish I could afford that too.’
In these almost unnoticeable moments, we start to lose the ground of our own lives.
For example: When I started my career, I remember saying to God or the invisible air that ‘I will write without trying 10 different things on the side. I want to stay behind the screen and write even if that means making peanuts.’
I stayed true to my purpose. I wrote without wanting any recognition or trying to be an influencer alongside.
But somehow, I lose the sight of what I never wanted to be — an influencer. In fact, I started making reels on Instagram whilst wondering and wishing when will I become a big influencer and start making a lot of money like others are doing.
It was never my goal. It was not what I wanted. Yet, there I was — doing what never aligned with my heart.
I think, I fell for this trap because everyone kept saying to me that I should make reels because I have the potential. They said, I am wasting my potential and ruining my chances of success.
No one wants to waste their potential, right? Even if it’s the potential that you never saw in yourself, but rather something that was rubbed on your face. Even if it’s the potential towards something you never wanted to do, but something people said you should be doing because you can easily do it.
Despite being strong-minded, I became the person that people told me I should be.
Another reason for that was, I grew up looking at other people around me, always asking them what should I do next. I never had any confidence in myself as a child. I thought other people knew better.
So, when other people told me what I should be doing, and I watched how much I am missing out on by not being a proper influencer, I was convinced that I was wasting my potential.
Now, the question is back to you — what kind of a person do you think you are?
If you grew up believing that other people know better than you, chances are high that you will get swayed by society’s idea of what you should be. And by society, I mean random influencers on social media whose job is to tell you what to buy, where to go, what to do with your life, and things like that.
Even if you think you are strong minded, you will at the end lose the sight of your purpose and goals because the external world is too loud.
Just as employees have to improve themselves constantly, similarly, social media influencers improve their ‘selling’ skills constantly so they can make you want to do or be something without making you realize that they manipulated you.
We live in a world of total distractions. One that is designed to keep us off the ground of our lives.
In this case, probably, the only thing we can do to free ourselves is to — DETACH.
Detached And Disengaged:
I don’t think that social media is all bad. But social media is totally dishonest.
In these past few months, I have felt more detached and distant from myself than ever. I have compared myself with others more than ever.
I knew from the beginning that I was doing something wrong, that I was losing sight of who I was and the only thing that matters to me. Yet, I couldn’t stop.
I won’t blame anyone but myself.
I realized I had reached a dangerous spot when I started to doubt myself as a writer. When I couldn’t see the point of writing at all. I knew, in that moment, I needed to detach.
I feel like I am exactly where I was four years ago when I didn’t what to do in life. I had no clue if I was any good for.
But the greater the misery, the deeper the self-realization.
Those who can’t be awake with love are often thrown off track.
One way or the other, you realize how you have been living a lie. A life that is not yours. A path that doesn’t make you happy, and damn, you can choose to QUIT and return back to where you started.
I am doing just that.
I am starting again exactly with where I was three years ago. I have lost all the engagement and reach on Medium. I am building my website from scratch. And I don’t have any interest in anything else but to write what matters to me. To wake the ones who might be sleeping on their lives.
I have deleted all the social media platforms from my device. I have no interest in being aware of the world.
I remember saying this to myself, ‘All I want to do is write even if that means I make peanuts.’
And I guess, I can see why I said that.
Being everywhere, and doing everything because you think you should be only tires your soul.
If you can see a hint of yourself in me, try to QUIT everything that you have been doing that you don’t want to. Everything that makes the bridge longer between who you are and what matters to you. Take a break, if needed. Think through things. Observe your actions and habits, and if it doesn’t align with your life’s purpose or if they don’t add any value to your life, detach from them.
No one is coming to listen to your story or excuses. It’s you and your life — make it so beautiful that you want to live.
Find out what brings your soul excitement and do more of that. Be less on your phone. Follow fewer people and even less advice. Don’t sit and talk with people who clearly are not doing anything important with their lives. They will make you like them. Listen even less to people who are not doing what you want to do.
Conclusion:
I think the biggest battles in life are all internal.
To keep holding on to your truth. To not feel small because your dreams haven’t taken you where everyone says a successful person belongs. To not lose sight of ‘what matters to you.’
And no one sees this battle but you. At times, you will even feel stupid, as if you are going mad.
But all these internal battles are worth fighting. You are not mad if your mind tries to take you away from your purpose in life. Our minds are being hijacked.
It’s your personal responsibility to always find the ground of your life. To sit there and not go where everyone says you belong. To know you belong here, in your life doing what aligns with your values and heart.
If you liked this article, you will love my book — Creative Living: A Conscious Path to a Joyful Life
