How I Stopped Caring About ‘What Others Think of Me’ & Becoming the Best Version of Myself
Since the day I started understanding the human language that is supposed to keep us connected, I have been hearing some of the sentences on the loop which are:
a) If only you were a little fair, you would have looked so good
b) If you were more intelligent, you would have a brighter future
c) If you were a little more confident, you would have achieved so much and
So many more such ‘if’ and ‘would have’ that was quite a big part of my childhood. From childhood till my graduation, I was always determined by ‘what others think of me’
When I was a little girl, I was compared by my relatives based on how I looked and my grades. And when I was in college, I was gaining my confidence back but I was constantly at the target. Apparently, in college, people used to say that I am rude because I don’t talk much and if I used to interact with any of the guys in class, I was given names that I don’t even want to write.
Well, surely during childhood with all those comparisons and regular comments, I had lost my confidence to even think I mattered but gradually when I started gaining back my confidence, I was pulled back into that dark tunnel where once again, I found myself losing the ability to think straight. I started feeling that perhaps there is something deep inside that is wrong otherwise why would people judge me, and talk badly about me?
I started ignoring everyone and everything they used to say about me. From what I can recall, it surely used to hurt a lot to be misunderstood and judged on what you are not yet I somehow knew that I don’t want to fall back on past patterns and rise above all the negativity that people were cursing me with.
One evening when my roommate and I were talking about random college stuff, I asked her, ‘Hey, do you know why our classmates speak absurdly about me? Like I am seeing things from my perspective and I don’t think I have said or done anything that can hurt anyone but perhaps I need to understand someone else’s opinion so can you tell me why is that?
To which she took a pause and said, ‘Renuka, they don’t talk negatively about you because you are bad, they talk bad about you because they are simply jealous. It’s just that you have always scored the highest marks in class, you have this big position in the student council, you are active in all the activities and besides teachers love you’ To top it all, you are an introvert and don’t talk much so they think you are rude and you have pride for what you have.
I didn’t say anything in response except ohh. (but I gotta admit boy, it sure felt good)
Though I was lucky enough to have a few good friends, seniors, and a handful of classmates on my side and gradually every rumor started to be fed yet until a year back everything used to haunt me someday or the other.
However, as I started reading books, I learned a few important lessons that helped me ignore what others think and live my life the way I always wanted — working on becoming the best version of myself.
Today, I want to share 4 such lessons with you that will help you to let go of the past baggage of negativity and carry on with your life without worrying about other’s opinions:
1. People Aren’t Bad, Their Nature Might Be:
Do you think people who judge you are bad? Oh boy, I sure used to think that. I mean good people like you and probably I don’t judge others, right?
Sadly, that’s not true. People who misjudge you are the ones who were standing in the same place you are, they too were the victim of misunderstandings, hence they are just looking for an escape through you.
When we judge someone based on what we have been judged upon, we feel better, our ego gets its fuel. For example: If you were judged based on your looks ever before, you will be more cautious about how you look and how others look too. In that case, if someone is less beautiful than you, you will start judging them so your ego can satisfy its need to be superior and better.
Know that people who judge others are first being judged on the same parameters
Their negative attitude towards you has nothing to do with you but their own insecurities and fear so let go of the thought of what others think because perhaps others are thinking the same question ‘what if people misunderstand me?’
2. You Are a Queen/King:
A few weeks ago, I was scrolling Instagram when I came across a very beautiful quote that I live by for the past two years. It says,
“Not everyone deserves to know the real you, let them criticize who they think you are”
Just as I said earlier, people who criticize you are the ones who just want attention from others and themselves so the question is do you want to be understood by such lower-quality people?
I believe like me, you will be having a past too, everyone has. Each one of us has had our own battles and you, my love, have conquered the past and came all the way here so tell me do you think whatever it is that you have gone through can be understood by everyone or can you explain yourself in words?
I believe NO, you cannot simply explain anything beautiful and deep in words. Besides, not everyone deserves to know the real you, the real you who is so much more beautiful and caring and loving and pure soul.
Just close your eyes and think of yourself, dig deeper into your soul, your values, your actions, and your attention and then tell me do you think people can or should understand you?
The day you can understand your worth and how not everyone deserves to be around you, you will automatically let go ‘of what others think of you’
Because darling, they can think about you as low as their own thinking is. No one with an open mind and a beautiful soul can think low of someone.
3. Know Who Criticizes You:
Do you think the richest man in the world would be stalking your profile and saying ‘you look ugly or you are stupid or you are not good enough?’
People who criticize you are never the ones who have more power than you or who are superior to you because simply they have their own sh*t to deal with. People who criticize you are the ones who are way behind you and their single motive is to pull you down to their level because they cannot see someone else making progress in life.
You can look back in time and see who criticizes you?
The answer would be quite simple: When people who are behind you have nothing interesting going on in their own life, pick someone else’s life who is doing better than theirs so that they can have something to keep them entertained and boost their ego.
4. Work on Yourself:
Have you ever met a person who shares positive vibes and makes you feel uplifted?
Well, if you haven’t met such a person, it is time to be the one so that when people meet you, they feel uplifted and forget about their nature of ‘gossiping’
When you work on yourself, you send your mind a signal that nothing in this world matters more than you. And when your mind receives this message and gets the proof by seeing you working yourself every day, the mind makes a belief that
Nothing matters except your opinion about yourself
While you start your journey of becoming the best version of yourself, you come across many challenges and when you conquer them all like procrastination, lower vibrational thoughts, jealousy, and comparison, you start feeling special as if you have unlocked your fullest potential and true gift that was buried inside you with the weight of past voices and others judgments.
The more you work on yourself, the more your opinion about yourself arises and the less you give attention to what others think. In fact, instead of feeling angry at others for judging, you become more sympathetic towards them thinking ‘oh these poor souls, I wish I could teach them how living for yourself means’
No matter what you do and how you do it, someone is always going to be unhappy so don’t even try to waste your time, attention, and mood on those people who are living hell on earth for you. Let go of them, their opinions, their voices, and fly so high that their voices cannot even get to your ears let alone your head.
And above let go of the need to be understood by those who cannot understand themselves.