How To Increase Your Self-Confidence That You Need to Win in Life
What does self-confidence really mean to you? We, humans, are creative artists. Not even a single thought crosses our mind without a proper picture, doesn’t it?
However, we seem to use this power of thinking and imagining against ourselves. For example, when I asked you how you imagine self-confidence, you must have imagined a physically fit, utterly beautiful, insanely intelligent person who seems to spray magic in the air which attracts people towards him. Such a person who can speak whatever comes to his mind with enough authority in voice and power in eyes that people want to talk to him again and again. (Excuse me, if I exaggerate a little but I am extra imaginary)
Now, you also crave such self-confidence that can set you apart from the public, don’t you?
But before we start, let’s do a quick recap of why in the first place you lack self-confidence because obviously, something happened that changed you or rather manipulated you to believe that you lack self-confidence.
I believe there are two stages of life when your behavior and thinking pattern are shaped which are,
0 to 12 when you are still in school and
13 to 17 when you go through a lot of internal and external changes.
The initial years are 0 to 12 is the time when you start with the neutral stage, you don’t know anything about intelligence, or failure yet you are filled with possibilities, dreams, and excitement. However, the moment you start interacting with people in school, or neighborhood, you start getting judged based on your grades, your ability to mix up with people, and so on. Now, if you are a student who scores good grades, you get the tag of intelligent, if you are a student who barely gets past the class, you are given the tag of ‘failure’ and if you are a student who is intelligent and also good with people, you are the KING/QUEEN of the world.
Now, when you see how people of your age are getting special attention, you start finding the reasons why you are not getting the same attention. And you keep finding these reasons ‘why you are not good enough to be treated the same way until you finally lose the essence of ‘who you are’
I like to think that this is one of the biggest reasons why you lack self-confidence. In simple words,
1. You don’t know who you are and
2. You haven’t done anything significant to prove your worth to yourself.
I believe that the only reliable way to boost your self-confidence is to prove yourself who you are and what you are capable of doing.
Your lower self-confidence defines that your ability to believe in others is more than in your own which means you think people all-around can do everything except you. In order to turn the table around, here is my 3-step formula to help you build strong self-confidence.
3-Step Formula to Increase Your Self-Confidence:
1. Improve Your Competence:
Just as we discussed earlier, you lack confidence because you don’t know what you are worth and you have never accomplished anything significant in life to prove to yourself that you are better than you imagine.
In order to take the first step towards building self-confidence is to prove to yourself that ‘you can do anything you set your mind on’
“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” — Thomas Carlyle
Roadmap to Accomplishments:
Set Small Goals: Hey, I know you might feel all motivated to take action right now but you cannot change your pattern in a day. I suggest you start with one small thing that you want to improve in your life by taking action on it every day. It could be as little as reducing your screen time to walking 5000 steps in a day. Every small accomplishment every day will fill you with self-love and higher self-esteem.
Once you start accomplishing things in real life however small, you send a message to yourself that ‘hey, I was thinking wrong of myself, I can really do anything I want’
2. Respect your words:
If you can’t keep your words to yourself, there is a high chance your deeper inner self will never respect you. Hence, while speaking for yourself, choose your words wisely. Don’t disrespect yourself even for fun. Every single word you use is taken seriously by your subconscious mind so you better be careful.
How should you speak instead?
I suggest you give yourself the respect that you are seeking from others. When you think ‘I am not good enough, you make a belief that you don’t deserve to be treated with respect’
Hence, the second step on your journey should be to treat yourself with respect and don’t abuse yourself. Say to yourself the things you say to your loved ones. In fact, after every small accomplishment, give yourself a pat on the back and say, ‘Hey Me, you are doing great, I am proud of you’
This way your self-esteem wouldn’t be dependent on anyone but YOU!
3. Learn One Thing That Scares You:
Our fear of thinking that we are not good enough to learn is another factor that holds us back from coming out as a strong person. I suggest you either do one thing that you have been putting off or learn a skill that you know is great for the future but you are afraid you will fail initially.
For example, I want to work on my health for a long time but my fear says that I might not be able to consistently work on it so I have been putting it off. However, I realized that whenever I see a person healthier than me or having a body that I desire, I immediately fall back into that comparison phase and feel pity for myself. This observation made me start with small goals that are cycling every day and staying hydrated which is a more fun way than hitting the gym. Result? It’s been 4 days since I am cycling and I am having fun (hope I will keep cycling and will keep you posted)
I suggest you take out time and see how not working on your goals is making you feel and then do the above steps as I suggested to kick off stress, anxiety, comparison, and welcome accomplishments and higher self-esteem.
I hope this article helps you in boosting your self-confidence so that you can again look at yourself with the same love and respect as you used to. However, don’t be so harsh on yourself, take it easy, and believe in yourself.
Also, if you are on Instagram, let’s connect here