I Am Not a Good Person But I Am Not Bad Either; Finding My Worth in a Scripted Society

You and I have a common goal hiding deep inside all of us that has successfully made us question our worth.

The goal of being good to everyone so we can earn the badge of ‘good person’

Because people who are by definition not good suffer. People who show the courage to say No, make their decisions often selfishly, and speak their heart out are often labeled as ‘selfish’, ‘rude’, and generally a ‘bad person’

While I certainly believe that there are some terrible people out there. In fact, more precisely there are people who are evil dressed in the skin of humans. But what I also believe in is that

“Your constant longing to be good all the time can make you a bad person for your soul”

Speaking from my personal experience, I have tried it all. I have said Yes when I desperately wanted to say No just so I don’t end up hurting anyone. In the past, I zipped my mouth when I was supposed to stand up and make some noise to prove that I didn’t do anything wrong. I have let people take advantage of my good behavior so that I can stand tall on the definition of kindness.

And when even for once I did something for myself like speaking what’s in my mind rather than sugarcoating things, I found that before anyone else, I was accusing myself of not being a good person.

I have done bad things in my life. I have failed and made mistakes. I have hurt people sometimes knowingly and sometimes I didn’t even realize that my words became the reason for tears in someone’s eyes. I have hurt people with my deeds and words. Sometimes I didn’t even say sorry. And I know that makes me a bad person.

But I realized after a long time that I am not all bad. I have been good too. I made my friends laugh when they were at their lowest. I have fueled the air of motivation when my loved ones were about to give up. I have made people smile. I have helped strangers knowing that I have planted a seed of goodness in someone else’s heart. I have cried knowing that I have hurt someone. I have made my parents proud (occasionally) I have taken care of myself when I couldn’t find a shoulder to cry on. I have been supportive and loving and encouraging to my friends. I have made my people feel loved and warm and special even when it cost me my own happiness.

So can I say I am good too? Sure I will.

I think this idea of a good and bad person is just too rigid. It puts in a box. A box that starts defining us and our entire existence. No one is truly bad or good. People are just humans with their own flaws and they make mistakes and their mistakes don’t make them bad person.

We are all a mix of good and bad. Or maybe we are just human with the tag of good and bad that society has invented to put us all in a box and act accordingly.

If you accept yourself as a bad person based on one mistake, one unkind act, or one harsh word then you start losing your grip on your goodness and the good things you have done in the past.

And not being able to hold on to your goodness is the biggest burden. Knowing that there is a part of your past is taking over your heart is indeed painful and depressing.

So don’t cage yourself in those plastic boxes and man-made tags. Don’t let anyone or your own past define your character and your future.

I know I am not alone in this. You and I are exactly the same. You have a good heart and you want to love everyone but sometimes, we end up doing the opposite. Not because we are bad people but because we are humans who cannot be good all the time.

The strict definition of a good person has caged our minds making us judge ourselves based on mistakes we made in past. And this is the biggest act of cruelty that you can punish yourself with — thinking that you are a bad person, thinking that you don’t have a shred of goodness inside you, and believing that you need to hide your past mistakes so that you can act like a good person.

I don’t really know how to explain this in a more subtle and straightforward way but here is what I mean,

You don’t have to take the burden of being good all the time. You have a soft heart and constant attacks from your own self can kill its innocence. And today, I am here for that. To show that if you are not good then you are not bad either.

1. Free Yourself:

If you are reading this article till now then you know that you are not God. You are a flawed human like me who had done some things in the past that you aren’t proud of.

But how long are you planning to hold onto your past version who made a mistake? How long are you planning to punish yourself for something that happened years ago? And are you planning to ever set yourself free from your own cage of ‘good and bad people’?

It may sound easy but it’s harder than you can imagine. It’s hard to finally accept that you are not all bad and you have done good things for people and yourself. It’s harder to fight to set yourself free from the grip of your past that keeps reminding you that ‘you are a bad person’

But believe me, no one is all good. No one can be all good. We all are humans who make mistakes. The stories that you have been listening to from society about how good people are always kind, loving, and caring are a myth. A big lie that is making you judge yourself.

It’s the time when you set yourself free from your own judgments, accusations, and expectations of society from you. You are not here to follow the script of society. You are here to make mistakes, learn from them, get up and try not to repeat them. You are here to make people laugh but at the same time find a reason to smile as well. You are here to be kind, first to yourself and then to others. So stop judging yourself. Stop following the rules and learn to set yourself free. You don’t deserve your own hate.

2. Act Like Who You Want to Be Not Who You Were:

As I said earlier, I have hurt people in the past, and believe me, if I could travel back in time, I would definitely do so to make everything right. But surprisingly I cannot go back in past so just to rewind things, I often recreate scenarios in my mind.

And in the end, nothing changes even when I try to do things right in my mind.

But what I have come to realize is that I cannot change who I was or what I have done. I can change who I am and what I choose to do now. After saying rude words in the past, I cried harder afterward because I feel bad for being so bad. Though, spoken words cannot be taken back.

So, what I did was stop being kind in my mind and start being kind in real life. There is a big difference between the two. In fact, when people say mean things to me, I don’t respond back that easily because I know that if I say something in rage now, I will regret that later.

I would suggest you do the same as well. First, set yourself free then act like the person you want to be rather than who you were. You cannot change your past behavior but you can change your present and future.

3. Know When to Be a Bitch & When a Doll:

There are all kinds of people in this world. Some people will need your help and loving side while others are cunning and would want to take advantage of you.

You shouldn’t stop being good and loving to people just because one person (or more than one) were bad to you. If one of your friends took advantage of you that doesn’t mean everyone is bad.

So instead of buying this new trendy definition of being a rude and bitch type of person who doesn’t give a damn about anyone or anything. I would suggest you should know when you need to be good like a doll (to people who are good to you or who need your help) and when to be a bitch who isn’t ready to be fooled.

You will not be happy by depriving yourself of human connection, love, and care. These are all the things that make your heart happy.

For example; One of my friends asked me to do an assignment for him which was going to decide his entire future. I did that assignment out of friendship which helped him to get the job. (out of 90 candidates, he was selected based on the assignment I did) I was happy for him. After a few days, he sent me an assignment again on WhatsApp and said ‘do this tomorrow, it’s for my friend’

Do you know what I did? I said I am busy in a meeting but in reality I was watching Netflix. Why? Because now I knew that he doesn’t need my help. He is taking advantage of my good behavior. If you or your friend wants the job, work hard. And if you need help, ask for it but don’t expect people to do the work for you so you can enjoy the results. And guess what? He didn’t talk to me after that incident. So, I guess I was right. He wasn’t my friend. And honestly, I feel that I shouldn’t have helped him in the first place but duh…

Learn from my experience. Know when to be good like heaven and absolutely cold when the need arises.

Conclusion:

I hope after reading this article, you will stop judging yourself based on your past mistakes. Believe me, we all are bad and good. I know, I am not all good but I am not all bad either. I am just a human who makes mistakes. So, probably now you must accept this simple fact as well and allow yourself to be free.