I Am Shifting to Another City; A Baby Step Outside of My Comfort Zone

After completing school, when I was beginning to pack my bags to pursue graduation from another city, I felt like I would die on my way. Why?

Because I was 17 and had never stepped out of my little hometown without my parents. I always needed my mother to feel safe. In fact, I imagined all sorts of things that could possibly go wrong like what if I don’t fit in the big city life? What if someone kidnaps me? What if I get lost in the dark with no one around me? How will I manage to do everything on my own? And the mere thought of a giant building with strangers passing by me used to scare the hell out of me.

However, I never loved my life as much as I did in college with my friends. Friends who became family. And a city that became my second home. During the first few weeks, I used to cry a lot remembering my parents, especially my mom.

But since college ended, I came back home and have been living in my hometown. And if you have been reading my articles for a while now, you must know that my hometown is so tiny that we don’t even have a decent café where you can go and read books nor a library/bookstore to go and read books. Besides, it is again so tiny that everyone knows each other yet I don’t have any friends (except that I have one but he lives in another city for studies). Sad life, huh?

Not really. You know I am a pro when it comes to dealing with loneliness and that I enjoy my own company so much that I would do anything than make a bunch of friends who don’t give a damn about me. I could make tons of friends here but I am not interested in just hanging out and clicking fancy pictures. I personally think that I am tough to be around because I think my values, my beliefs, and my ambitions don’t align with everyone. Also, I think I am not at that stage of my life when I can just sit and listen to others complaining about everything. I just don’t want that. Hence, in such a case, even if someone tries to be my friend, I communicate my boundaries loud and clear so that the other person doesn’t set any expectations from me.

Now, you must be thinking, what is it that I want then?

Well, what I truly want is experiences. I want to have so many great experiences that when I become an old lady with wrinkles all over my face, I can sit with my grandchildren and tell them all sorts of things that I used to do. Things that I used to light me up. Things that weren’t related to productivity or capitalism. I want to tell them that the wrinkles on your grandmother’s face reflect experiences and joy. (Wait, did I plan way too much?)

And this cannot happen if I keep living the way I am now. I wake up. I take a shower. I make my bed and have breakfast. The rest of the day just passes by on my laptop or kindle. Professionally, I have achieved a lot and I am proud of myself for becoming what I am now. But personally, I am not quite satisfied with myself. I feel a void inside me. I feel life is screaming at me to get up and shake myself up. I feel I cannot distinguish between what happened 7 months back and what’s happening today. Every day is the same. Just a repetition of one another. It’s like all I can remember are my college and school days but after that, I don’t have anything to laugh at and cry for.

So, what’s the catch here?

Honestly, I like living a boring life where I get to do things at my pace. I am not a party animal nor do I like to be around a bunch of people. I don’t have to want to have dates nor do I want to get in trouble.

Then, what do I want?

Well, I am an old-school girl who is still living in the 90s (mentally at least). For me, fun means writing in a historical palace of India or reading around the famous areas of a city that has the essence of its history. I want to roam around a new city and look at things differently.

In my hometown, I cannot even go running because early in the morning, there is barely anyone on the streets which doesn’t make it peaceful but unsafe. In fact, I had one of the incidents that scares me to be on the street alone in the morning.

And I cannot stand that. I want to go out running and then maybe take a rest in one of the gardens (which again my home town doesn’t have)

Now, you must be thinking how did I manage to live here? Well, I adore my family. I love to spend time with my mother over a cup of tea and chit-chat with her about everything. I like to joke around with my father and go on a walk after dinner with my brother. It’s just so heart-filling that leaving them feels like a losing bet.

But I am going to do it. Why?

Of all the reasons I mentioned earlier, the biggest reason is that I have been thinking about living out for the past year but I couldn’t because I am scared. Scared like I was when I was 17. Terrified to even imagine how I am going to manage everything. And the thoughts like what if I didn’t like it there? What if the new city makes me lonely and miserable and lost? What if I don’t do anything I have planned and my work suffers?

I know that change can be scary but I have lived on my own and I loved it. But in the past few years, I have got so comfortable with my lifestyle that I feel like I am 17 all over again. Like I have stopped making memories. I haven’t done a single thing that I have truly enjoyed, anything that makes me feel excited and young except for my professional success. I feel like I am in my late 30s scared to make any new move because what? I have to think about my husband and kids. Well, that surely isn’t the case yet I feel like I am getting old faster than I imagined. I am in my early 20s with a stable career and this is the time I can do things without worrying about anything because I HAVE MYSELF and FREEDOM.

Hence, I have decided to shift to a different place. For now, I have decided to shift for a month. And then come back home for a few days then live in another city for a month. It’s like one month in one new city. I am quite not excited but I know if I do it, I will be happy and wouldn’t regret not trying. For now, I am shifting to Jaipur, Rajasthan, India. Let’s see where Jaipur takes me and I shall keep you posted.

Now, the purpose of this blog is to tell you that when you get too comfortable, the things that you used to excite you will start scaring you. You wouldn’t be able to make decisions for yourself but would rather keep delaying things so that you can avoid being in a tough spot. I would encourage you to do something that you have been dreaming but your comfort zone or your fear wouldn’t let you. Because regret kills more brutally than anything else. It’s like knowing you deserved more and you could have it but you couldn’t because you were too scared or too comfortable.