I Decided To Stop Being a ‘Nice Girl’ & So Should You (Boys, You too Stop BEING NICE)

What do I mean when I say I stopped being NICE or you should too?

Do I mean to stop being helpful, supportive, and kind to people? Or

Do I mean stop being harsh, unkind, discouraging, adjusting, and negative to yourself?

Hey, my name is Renuka and

I didn’t know who I am or what I want or what makes me happy or what disturbs my peace or what boundaries mean until a few months ago as that’s when I asked myself, WHO IS RENUKA anyway?

When I was a little kid, I wasn’t as ‘beautiful’ as society expects a kid to be. So, I was always compared and given fake sympathy. I wasn’t good at studies, so my relatives compared me to my other cousins. All of this led to lower self-esteem.

And I knew that if I want to win people’s hearts, I have to be NICE to them.

Now, when I look back in time, all I can see is an under-confident girl who:

a) Adjusts so that no one else goes through any trouble

b) Say YES to everything so that people don’t get upset

c) Smile it out even when people were making fun of her or discouraging her as that’s what nice girls do

d) Never spoke against anyone’s opinion as that would be rude and

e) Always available for people 24/7 even if that costs me my peace

What did I get?

Well, even after doing what a NICE girl (or person) is supposed to do, all I could see was ignorance from people. People would call me when they needed me as if I were really a 24/7 available ambulance.

Anyway, I remember exactly when I stopped being a nice girl. It happened in college when my friends were spreading rumors about me. I cried, I was upset but I knew that,

“Strong girls never feel sorry for themselves, they stand up, fight back and achieve Big things in life”

After all that drama ended, I was ready to be entirely the opposite of a NICE GIRL.

So, what’s the opposite of a nice girl (person)?

In this case, the opposite of a nice person is not a BAD PERSON but rather a BADASS.

Okay, let me simplify it for you:

The kind of nice person that I stopped being and you should too is the one who lives only for others, seek validation from others, judges herself on the basis of others’ perception of her, is over-available for everyone, says yes to everyone, and everything, trusting others opinion so much that your own voice gets lost, and above all forgetting who you truly are?

If you think you have lived or are still living a life where you are missing from your life while others are occupying your place then this is the time for you to be a BADASS.

Now, what does a badass mean?

I don’t know what badass means according to Google or as per the founder of the word, I know what I want this word to mean.

No one, absolutely no one in this world is perfect. In fact, people can even find faults in God so you and I are just a toy for the world to judge and find faults in. Get that?

A badass is a person who knows what they are from within. If I ask you to tell me about yourself, you might start repeating the tags that the world has given you like your name, your religion, your degree, your professional occupation, and the list goes on.

If you know yourself, your truth, your values, what you like and what you don’t, what makes you happy and what doesn’t, who you are from within, what makes your thought process unique, and what makes you, YOU then no matter what others say about you, you will not be affected.

However, when you don’t know yourself, you will easily welcome others’ judgments in your mind to settle down and seek validation from others to make your EGO feel good.

Hence, the first trait that you must have is KNOWING YOURSELF.

And don’t worry if you don’t get the answer in the blink of an eye because you change with every second, every day, and every outside interaction. Knowing yourself is a lifelong journey so that you don’t lose yourself in this world that is too noisy and manipulative.

Besides, when you are on the self-exploration journey, don’t judge yourself for who you are rather embrace your reality.

For example One of the things that I found about myself is that I love to be alone and I don’t like to chit-chat on the phone. So, I just accepted the fact that I don’t like toxic people and I might ignore people’s messages sometimes too because I LIKE BEING ALONE. I didn’t judge myself that ‘Ohh, I am such a bitch for being ignorant to people, in fact, I accepted it and maintained my distance.

“Just because you are not what people expect you to be, doesn’t mean you are wrong”

If you are anything like me, you must have let people play with your self-worth as if it’s a football that anyone can kick.

But not anymore!

I want you to take a pen and paper and write it down in as concrete and detail as possible:

  • Start with your name like I am — — —
  • Exactly how you have let people mistreat you, judge you and throw negative comments on you
  • Exactly how did it cause you to keep adjusting to your self-worth and
  • Exactly how you wish to be treated now, and finally
  • Write down FIRST how you are respecting yourself, loving yourself, and taking care of yourself because others wouldn’t treat you well if they know you don’t respect yourself either

Close your eyes and imagine ‘are you really worth all the disrespect and negativity?’

If the answer is NO then tell yourself as loudly as possible- what you are worth.

I hope you know and respect your self-worth as much as you respect others.

I cannot even tell you how many times I had attended those parties that I hate because I didn’t how to say no or how many times I have gone out for lunch with friends because I didn’t want to hurt them or how many times I have sacrificed my peace and work because I was too afraid to say no.

I am pretty sure that you can relate to me here.

But the question is why do we feel afraid to say NO?

Just like Yes, No is also a word so why do we feel afraid of saying NO to people?

Well, after analyzing my behavior and others around me, I can come up with only one explanation and that is

We don’t say No to people even when we want to because we are afraid that either we might be left behind or come out as Rude and hurt others’ feelings.

Isn’t it? Take a moment and question yourself why you said YES to those things in the past that you didn’t want in the first place.

However, there is a simple solution for it and that is SETTING BOUNDARIES. Be as upfront as possible and let people know what you are and aren’t comfortable in doing/saying/eating/playing/going or the like.

And even when you have to say, No when necessary, say it in a way that doesn’t sound rude or hurtful.

Instead of saying, I cannot,

Say, I am sorry, I wish I could but I have to pass this time. Thanks for asking though!

See the difference?

This is how badass people respond-neither they do let people mess with their space nor do they hurt others.

When your self-esteem is lower, anyone can easily manipulate or influence you to change your decision. It happens mostly when you don’t know yourself and you believe that others are better than you to tell you what’s good for you.

In such a case, even when you have to make some major life decisions, you will be searching for people to guide you.

I cannot stress this point enough if you want to be a Badass, then don’t hand over your power to someone else’s hands. Take your decisions independently and so what if something goes wrong?

It’s your life, not some mathematical formula that has to be solved in a particular manner.

Take your decisions independently, make mistakes, fail, fall, get up, learn from mistakes, and start all over again with what you learned in the process.

For God’s sake, don’t want your life to be so predictable that there is no fun. Make your life journey all about you so that one day you can tell your grandkids about the awful mistakes you made, all the fun you had, and much more.

I hope after reading this blog, you don’t seek validation from others and live a life that YOU ARE DESTINED FOR.

If you like my work, support me here: buymeacoffee.com/renukagavrani

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100K on Instagram. I talk about books, self-love, & self-improvement. For ghost writing gigs; renukawork1@gmail.com

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Renuka Gavrani

100K on Instagram. I talk about books, self-love, & self-improvement. For ghost writing gigs; renukawork1@gmail.com