My Answer on ‘Loneliness’ Created Havoc

Renuka Gavrani
5 min readMar 13, 2024

I think people who have not just witnessed but studied life as if it’s their muse can tell you things that may surprise you like ‘Someone is speaking the language of my heart.’

Image of the author

I was recently invited on a podcast to talk about ‘life, solitude and happiness.’ Honestly, I was surprised, ‘Why would anyone invite me for an interview that too such a big podcaster?’

Then I realized, ‘Oh okay, it’s because my book is working so well (The Art of Being Alone) in the market that people want to know my opinions. Otherwise, there are greater thinkers than me who are being ignored because ‘their work isn’t popular.’

I consider it the biggest scam of the current era. Anyone is giving advice, anyone is becoming popular, and anyone and everyone has the right to create ‘content’ that may or may not be true but because it’s portrayed in such a way, you and I are bound to fall for it.

What do I mean by that?

Use Your Brain, Honey:

The first question I was asked on the podcast was ‘Why do you think solitude is important? Why should people spend time with themselves?’

Before I answer it, I want you to take a breath and ask yourself ‘Why should you spend more time with yourself?’

If you cannot come up with an answer that excites you and makes you want to explore your inner world, that shows ‘You have never taken interest in yourself so much so that you would want to know yourself more deeply.’

Anyway, to tell you what I answered:

‘They say you are the average of five people you spend most of your time with, right? So tell me, if you don’t spend any conscious time with yourself, how will you become the average of yourself?’

Something to think about!

It’s because we don’t spend time with ourselves that ‘we end up becoming the ‘average of those around us.’ How?

When you sit down alone, you get to read your own thoughts instead of reading an article online and taking in the opinions of a random girl who doesn’t know the first thing about you.

When you sit alone, one day at a time, you begin to notice a pattern in your behavior and thought process — thus, learning about your strengths, and drawbacks in a way that no ‘spiritual’ book or course could teach you.

When you sit alone, you realize how much you can do with yourself, and how you can fulfill your desires — thus, gradually nurturing the feeling of completeness as who you are and not feeling the need to be around people all the time for fun.

When you sit alone, you get to delve deeper into your mind and finally see the buried beliefs/thoughts that have been holding you back — thus, starting your real healing journey.

When you sit alone, you can question and answer your own thoughts and you can create your own definition of everything instead of drowning in the pool of ‘societal beliefs.’

When you sit alone, you realize what truly makes you smile, what you want in life. how you want to achieve your goals, and whether your goals are yours or cherrypicked from the external world.

That is the power of solitude. But we aren’t taught to sit alone.

The Fear of Loneliness:

We are trained to believe that the kid who eats alone, sits alone, and has no friends is either weird or a loser, someone who needs your sympathy. Someone who no one picked. Someone who is either fat or ugly. Someone who doesn’t know how to party and dress like a Hollywood star.

Someone who is a ‘lonely.’

Thus, instead of choosing to spend time with ourselves and treating it as a luxury, we treat this time as ‘loneliness.’ We are afraid of being alone because either

a) You don’t like the person you are alone with — Yourself.

b) You are afraid people will judge you for not being picked, and for being that weird ‘not-so-cool’ kid.

The Irony:

How ironic, isn’t it? People back in ancient times sought solitude, they either had to stay away from their families so they would not be disturbed or they would often leave everything behind to stay amidst nature — so that they could create Art.

Cal Newport talks in his book, Deep Work, how great artists whether it’s writers or painters, go to a secluded place leaving behind every means of communication or disturbance so that they can touch that ‘hidden-deep part of their minds/hearts’ and create something unique.

But what are we doing today?

We treat people who are sitting alone as the ‘lonely one who wasn’t picked.’ Some people fear loneliness so much that they go back to their toxic ex or remain in a bad friendship just so they are not left alone. How tragic!

What’s worse is now all of us have a friend inside our pockets. Social media platforms and the idea of ‘influencers’ are the worst things that have happened to our generation.

How, you may ask?

Well, no one is thinking anymore about anything. You face a problem, you go to YouTube and listen to some random person giving you the solutions. But how idiotic is it? If someone doesn’t know you, how can they tell you what you should do?

They can surely guide you in some way. But not consulting yourself and instead trusting someone else with your life problem is like living your life but with someone else’s rules and manual.

Oh, then we wonder, ‘Why doesn’t life feel exciting? Why am I not happy? Why cannot I make my own decisions?’

Sure, what a trap!

And if you think ‘Oh it’s not true,’ tell me something:

“When was the last time you sat down alone and chose to study your problems to find a solution that came from your heart?”

So, what’s the solution?

Choose Solitude:

As I said earlier in this article, you cannot become an average of yourself until you start to spend conscious time with yourself.

No matter how busy your day gets or how much you hate being alone, you have to take some time every day, starting with 10 minutes, to sit alone and do nothing. Just be with yourself and acknowledge your presence within you.

If there are any thoughts that keep coming back to you, instead of overthinking or ignoring them, pick them and study them. Get to know the root of it and find a way to solve it at once. If the solution doesn’t come in a blink of an eye, so what?

Just as you have practiced silencing your inner voice, similarly you have to practice getting your opinions back on everything.

Because when you sit alone, you actually get to experience ‘Who you are, what are you becoming, what are your thoughts and opinions, how you think, and what you love. And knowing this about yourself is a superpower. It helps you feel excited about yourself and life. So, choose solitude. Choose Yourself.’


There are a lot of great people in this world and one of them is YOU. There are a lot of great thinkers in this world but don’t forget, one of them could be YOU.

So, why not spend some time alone and create a person you actually know and love rather than living life becoming someone you neither know nor choose to become?



Renuka Gavrani

I talk about slow & Intentional living - taking you closer to a happy life. I am a published author of the book 'The Art of Being Alone':