No FRIENDS & Alone; How Do I Still Live Happily & You Can too
For as long as I can recall, I always craved friends. Friends who do crazy stuff together and stand by each other 24/7 in good or bad.
Did I find Friends then?
Well, surely I did. I did find friends in both school and college who I used to enjoy with, hang out with and have FUN with but also the friends who were speaking ill of me behind my back.
Well, I was a little late in recognizing them because by the time I did college had almost come to an end.
And today when I am writing this blog, I don’t think I have any such friends who I can completely trust or have the kind of fun with those TV series shows. This brings me to the question, does friendship like F.R.I.E.N.D.S really exist?
I guess not.
I always felt that I needed friends until my college came to an end. Because after college, when I am spending time with myself, I really think that I am enjoying being alone more.
But what changed?
As I said, I always thought that I needed friends but did I really?
From the beginning, in real or reel life, we see how everyone has friends, at least one best friend, and this fits the idea in our brain that we must have friends too for only then we can do all the CRAZY stuff and enjoy life. Isn’t it?
Everyone in college/school/office has friends and when you are the only one who hasn’t, you indulge in self-sabotage thinking that there must be something wrong with you. It’s the fear of missing out and being left behind that we try to adjust with others, we try to adopt different personalities so that we are easier to mix up, we try to be like others so that we are easily acceptable and we try to run away from our real self every time we meet someone new or go somewhere new.
Not that it’s someone else’s fault, nor it’s about you trying to adopt the new environment but what it’s really about is that in the race of not to be left behind, you lose yourself.
The case is even worse with people who neither know themselves nor their friends stay beside them. Because we have got to admit that at some point or the other, people leave you and then you keep waiting for another person to fill the void in your life.
I can completely understand if you are going through any of these situations because I had been. It feels awful when you are the only one who cannot make friends that easily, or if you are friends speak ill of you while you perceive them as REAL friends.
However, as I said in my title, even after having no friends and completely living alone, I still live happily like never before. In fact, I am so satisfied with my current situation that I cannot ask for anything else.
Now, if you are someone who relates to my journey and wants to be on the same page as I am, let’s see how you can be alone yet be happy.
How to be Alone; No Friends And Still Be More Than Happy:
1. Change Your Playlist:
Your playlist tells a lot about your current mood and also sets your mood in its own style.
I remember the initial month after college, I used to listen to sad songs about breakups or the world falling apart. Although I am practically laughing while writing this, if I go back in time, I can see a sad version of me lying on the bed, hiding in a blanket as if I am sick and listening to sad, and emotional songs as if I had gone through a heart-break (which I didn’t)
I know this might sound a little over-dramatic but if you stop judging me and analyze yourself without any judgments, you will know the truth.
Just for the record, nothing as bad had happened as those songs made me believe. The logic behind this is that every song has some vibes and energy just as every conversation has. Now, if you keep listening to those sad songs, you will end up feeling them so much that your mind will interpret them as a real incident.
Hence, firstly if you really want to be happy, stop listening to sad and emotional songs.
2. Search for Yourself:
If I ask you, who are you? What would be your answer?
Please, don’t tell me your name, your job, your salary or about your parents. All these things are given by the outside world. And I am talking about what’s inside you, what you have given birth to within you like your values, your principles, your perception, how you perceive the world, how kind you are, what’s your definition of love or happiness or success or friendship?
If you don’t know who you are, you will lose yourself the moment you meet someone new. Because their charm will take over you and you might even think, ‘If only I was like him/her’
I remember when I started focusing more on myself, my thoughts, my beliefs, and my thinking process, I realized that I always loved being alone, perhaps that’s the reason I was never good at making friends. And now, when I am dedicated to building myself and knowing more about myself, I don’t like hanging out with people anymore. (It might not be the case with you though)
Hence, before asking for what you think you want, you should look inside and wonder, do I really want it or am I just trying to escape the fear of missing out (FOMO)?
Though, you must remember that the thirst of knowing yourself is lifelong, it’s not a goal that you will accomplish but a journey where you will get to meet a new version of yourself every day.
So, become more interested in knowing yourself and you will be so happy to find yourself that you wouldn’t feel the need for anyone else.
3. Analyze the Difference Between Alone and Lonely:
Growing up, I was scared of being alone or even thinking about the feeling of being left behind. However, as I grew up, I started embracing solitude.
Though our world is not so small anymore. With the help of technology, anyone can connect to anyone yet loneliness has found its place in our hearts.
You can be alone most of the time, which I am but it’s not necessary that you are lonely, which I am not.
Truth be told, I never had a best friend and maybe only 2–3 people who I can talk with. I don’t get to meet any of them now due to the distance yet I never feel lonely, I never feel pity on myself. In fact, I have learned how to enjoy my own company.
You might be lonely, but you’re not alone.
Being alone means having no one around yet feeling completely fine and satisfied or rather not feeling the need to belong. However, being lonely means that you feel you don’t have anyone and that can happen even when you have 10 people who you call friends surrounding you.
When I was in college, I was surrounded by many people yet I always felt lonely as if I am the only one who doesn’t belong there. However, now when I really don’t have anyone, I don’t feel lonely, I feel rather content, happy, and satisfied.
In order to get out of that lonely state, you have to:
- Stop feeling pity for yourself. You are not bad nor are you some kind of alien. You are just someone like me who doesn’t have friends or maybe you don’t like having friends. So, stop feeling pity for yourself because, darling, you are way more than that.
- Stop self-sabotaging. Most of the time when we are alone, we start thinking about all the mistakes we made, all the weaknesses we have, and all the scars we have in our past and this continues until we finally drag ourselves into such a dark place where even breathing seems impossible. So, stop it! Stop comparing yourself and accusing yourself.
4. Change Your Perspective on Friendship:
One of my all-time favorite TV shows is F.R.I.E.N.D.S and I have watched it almost 4 times on loop. I watch it when I have lunch, tea, dinner, or when I am bored. I even own a bunch of F.R.I.E.N.D.S merchandise like a coffee mug, a diary, a t-shirt, and again a coffee mug (okay, 2)
And after watching all these web series and great movies on friendship, I made a belief that real friendship means:
- Your friends should be available 24/7
- Every friendship is permanent
- Your friends are your lifeline
- No matter what your friends do to you, Forgive them
- Share everything with your friends
Well, the bottom line is that I watched and loved all these TV series because they showcase the journey of friendship, or rather the kind of friendship I always wished for. And guess what?
When reality didn’t match with my imagination, I was HURT. And the same is true with you too. You and I have been made to believe by society that being alone is not good and that having friends beside you is important.
I always tried to find a PERFECT friend but I realized that I was just in love with the idea or rather a lie that these entertaining TV shows/movies sold me. No one, darling, absolutely no one is going to play the perfect friend rule for you because perhaps they are expecting the same from you. And these so-called expectations are the reasons why most friendships come to an end.
Hence, you need to change your perception of friendship as well. I made my peace with the fact that I am absolutely fine if I don’t find perfect friends and so should you. Because it’s your perception and imagination about having a perfect friendship that is restricting you from living a happier life.
Just accept the truth and look ahead to move ahead!
5. Your Journal & You; Best Friends for Life:
If you can accept the simple fact that not everyone you meet is going to stay, you will never be sad. We think that our friendship or any relationship that we have should last till eternity but the reality is, people aren’t animals who you can cage and lock. People are meant to set FREE.
Hence, if you really want a friendship that stays till the very last breath, become your own best friend and include your journal in the plan too.
We always wish that if we could have a best friend with who we could talk our hearts out without any judgments then I say a journal can do that for you. We wish if we could have someone who would stay beside us 24/7, then I say you have got you.
Be your own best friend. Treat yourself like the best person because you never know who will stay or who wouldn’t but you have to spend your entire life with yourself.
Just as friends encourage each other, you should encourage yourself. Just as friends send gifts to each other, you should buy something for yourself as a gift, a flower, a cake, a coffee, a book or anything else that you love. Just as friends have fun with each other, try to have fun with yourself by dancing like there is no one to judge, going for a walk, writing in your journal, or just watching Netflix. And without waiting for someone else to send you a good morning message, look in the mirror and say, Hey Me, Good morning.
When you stand by yourself and don’t wait for an imaginary person to complete your life. It’s not really about who is standing next to you but how you feel when you look in the mirror. The day you can look in the mirror with all the love, kindness, compassion, and happiness will be the day when you will be complete just by being yourself.
All these steps that I just mentioned are not some magic tricks that you can use and improve your life. It took me almost a year to realize that I have got me, I need to work on myself, know me, be in love with and make myself happy. It might take time but it will be worth it to finally be alone yet not lonely and no friends yet so happy that your reality starts feeling like a fairyland.
I wish you all the love and happiness.
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