The Time When A Child Healed My Inner Child; Power of Words

Renuka Gavrani
6 min readFeb 15, 2024

What was your childhood like?

If I had to describe mine, I would say:

A little girl who wanted to enjoy life but was surrounded by people who would keep reminding her about everything that was ‘wrong with her.’

You may think I am exaggerating or trying to gain sympathy. But God! I cannot explain in words how I was constantly compared to by my neighbors or relatives and sometimes teachers.

I was told repetitively every day that my hair ain’t good. I have curly hair. My family had no idea what to do with curly hair so my mom would throw oil on my hair and braid it. But because I have dense curly hair, the little hair wouldn’t sit down and instead give me a ‘weird look.’

Obviously, I couldn’t keep my hair open at any event. In fact, when I used to look at my cousin with her hair open and silky-smooth, and people compliment her looks and hair, I used to pray, ‘God, Please give me silky-smooth hair. That’s all I want.’

Also, if you observe in any movie or TV show, the main heroin never has curly hair. In my country, the evil woman character is often given curly hair. They correlated beauty with silky-smooth hair.

As a result, all I wished for was silky smooth hair almost every day to God. And once in a while, I would think God is so cruel as to not answer the prayers of a little girl.

I hated my hair until the second year of my college. Even in high school and senior year, my friends made fun of my hair. Now that I think about it, I cannot stop but wonder ‘Who raised such kids who make fun of other’s outer appearance?’

Believe me, if your child makes the other person feel bad for who they are, something that isn’t under their control, I will judge you. As a parent, you fail when your kid doesn’t even have a little shade of kindness and love.

Moving ahead, when I was in college, I was done feeling sorry for my hair. I thought there must be a way to style curly hair and I am going to find that. So I went on YouTube and searched ‘how to style curly hair.’

After watching 10–20 videos, I figured there is a particular way of washing curly hair and then there is a pre-wash routine that is essential if you want good-looking curls.

I was shocked. For 20 years, I didn’t know how to wash my hair. But when I started applying everything I learned, my hair somehow attracted attention, praise, and compliments from right, left, and center. I am not kidding, every day at least one person would come and say ‘Renuka, your hair looks so good. I wish I had curly hair.’

Of course, all of those compliments helped me with my confidence and I felt pretty suddenly. But honestly, it didn’t matter much.

In those moments, I realized two things:

1. You Are Perfection:

You may think you are not enough or you don’t look good or something is wrong with you.

You may wish and pray to have the opposite of what you have because you think what you have isn’t good.

Just like I did. But in reality, you are not a mistake. Whoever made all of us didn’t make any mistakes. He intended us to be who we are and have exactly what we have. We are created perfect.

We just need to figure out how to embrace what we have and who we are.

For example: For 20 years, I wished for silky-smooth hair and hated my curly hair. Why? My curly hair was never ugly. I just didn’t know how to style them.

Now that, I know how to embrace my curls, I feel so happy that God gave me curly hair. I get so many compliments for my hair and I love it myself.

What changed?

My hair didn’t change. My way of handling them changed.

Consider this as your reminder that just because you were made to feel inferior in a certain area of yourself (or your life) doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You have what you were supposed to. You need to stop wishing for things to change and learn to embrace what you already have.

2. The Cheapest Object:

We all crave for approval and attention of those around us, don’t we?

But my observation says that,

The attention of others = the cheapest object.

In the past few years, I have gone from being invisible to becoming an attention center. Not just because of how puberty hit me, but also because I went from the dumbest girl to a best-selling author.

What I have realized is that, however harsh it may sound, people come back to you when you have everything.

Now I get praise and attention but what about the time when all these people made me feel so inferior and small even when I was a little girl?

I am not asking for your sympathy. I am just reminding you that the people whose attention you crave will automatically run behind you once you become successful or have what they rank as ‘success.’

So, stop chasing people and their attention. Their attention is the cheapest thing. You should be focused on YOU. Do what you like and be who you are. Don’t change your accent or attire for someone whose attention is cheap.

The Power of Words:

Yesterday, I was on the swing hammock in a park. I was obviously swinging. My hair was open.

There was a little girl about 8–10 years old I believe who was watching me. I thought she was thinking ‘Why is she playing on a swing when she is so old?’

Around 5 minutes later, she said ‘Di, your hair looks so good. It’s so pretty.’

PS: Di is a word for big sister.

I cannot express my feelings. At that moment, however filmy it may sound, I felt the little girl in me finally was seen.

If I had to describe the power of that moment, I would say:

‘The Time When A Child Healed My Inner Child’

This is the power of words. You can make the other feel so good, so happy and seen and beautiful. Imagine, you unknowingly healed someone’s heart or made them feel good about themselves and this person still remembers you even after years.

That’s what words can do. Yet……somehow we are using our words in the most evil way possible. You may think you are being cool and all ‘b*tch’ like but trust me, you are being evil.

Consider this article as your reminder to BE GOOD. Don’t use your words to wound someone’s confidence. Speak those words that feel like a soft kiss from heaven. Make other people feel seen, heard, and good about themselves. And if you don’t like someone’s hair, face or clothes, you don’t have to tell it to them. You can keep your mouth shut. That’s how simple it is.


This is one of those articles that cannot help you make money or be successful. Hence, it will not get as many views or appreciation.

But I feel this is one of those articles that may help you see ‘What being a human means.’

And just a final reminder, in case you missed it, you are so beautiful and pretty and smart and intelligent. Don’t let anyone ever make you believe otherwise. Look. Look at yourself and see how great you are.



Renuka Gavrani

I talk about slow & Intentional living - taking you closer to a happy life. I am a published author of the book 'The Art of Being Alone':