This One Change In My Attitude Made Me Rich & More Fulfilled

Why do you think you will be a trouble to people?

Here are two things you must know about me before we start this article:

A. I always had difficulty making friends. Always! Even when I thought, well hey, I finally made a friend, it turned out that I was building castles of imagination in my mind when I didn’t matter as much to the same person as much as they mattered to me.

B. I always wanted to do something BIG in life.

Now, let’s get started.

I honestly feel like I am writing my biography as I tell you the most secretive things about me that my parents or anyone around me have no idea about.

Since I was a child, I had great difficulty in making friends, as I already told you, but most importantly, I had a tough time understanding, ‘How come other people simply sync in with each other as if they had a meeting before coming on earth that they will be friends. Like they were friends and acquaintances from beyond and now they perfectly fit in, effortlessly.’

I never told about this incident to anyone and writing it here for unknown people on the internet feels like I am exposing myself. But here we go:

I was in seventh grade. I was a new student and hence, didn’t know anyone. But after a few weeks, I finally made a friend who said, she wanted me to be her seat partner. Truth to be told, I was happy ear to ear. I created a castle in clouds in which she was my new best friend.

But then, our class teacher asked us to have three seat partners as a rule for all. She asked to add another girl with us, let’s call her, Lily. The moment she came, my new best friend somehow became really good friends with Lily, and the two of them sat together, and I was sitting in the corner, wanting to be included in their secret whispers in between the lectures.

Honestly, my entire school life and first year of college fit within the realm of this one example.

But things changed….

It happened when I cut off my connection with my college friends because I couldn’t bear to be treated as the ‘smaller’ one. The new group they were hanging out with and the kind of ‘college habits’ they were adopting, I was against it. For the first time, I was sure what I didn’t want in my life. So I stepped away.

I spent a few months alone in college, from eating alone in the hostel mess to sitting by myself — not having any kind of interest in anyone. My classmates started calling me ‘rude’ for not talking to them or not giving them the attention they thought they deserved while coming to talk with me.

The more time I spent alone, the more comfortable I became with taking up space. A lot of space. I said NO like that was my default response to everything. If I don’t like it, I will not do it. I felt like I started belonging to myself and I loved that feeling.

I started participating in a lot of events, paid extra attention during lectures and my professors loved me. I had a great bond with my seniors because I was always helping them so I could learn new things and have networks that could help me in the future.

Do you know what it did to me?

It made me confident. It taught me to take up space in my own life instead of building invisible castles of my imagination. It turned me into a person I never knew before. And between you and me, I somehow became a lot more attractive to people around me. I used to get proposals in college like I was the center of attraction even when they were more beautiful girls than me.

But again, where am I going with this? How did any of this help me become rich and fulfilled?

The Era of Quality Friendship and Relations:

When did you learn that you don’t have to do more, or better to be accepted?

What I learned in my early 20s is a crucial lesson. Some people take 30 years while others never learn that — the ones who are made for you will love and accept you for who you are not for what you can do for them or who try to become.

They just love the silly-cool-smart-ugly-beautiful-stupid-the one who cannot control her laughter-the one who always says the wrong thing-the one who always knows how to comfort people-the one who messes up-whatever you are.

I was trying to be someone else, someone better or more, someone who could make them laugh or tell them juicy gossip, someone who was trying to hum the same songs, someone who had no personality of her own — all because I wanted to fit in and make friends.

But the thing is — ‘People can see through your energy no matter how much decorate yourself from head to toe.’

When I made new friends after my ‘solitude’ period in college, they loved me. I just blend in with them, effortlessly. I was comfortable with them. Like they were my friends from beyond and we finally got to meet here on earth.

Most importantly, it didn’t take effort or shame to take space among them. If I wanted to sleep early, I would just get up and go without thinking what if they don’t like me if I go. If I wanted to stay back while they go for an outing, I did without feeling left out. If I wanted to do something new or take part in an event, I found them encouraging me like they were my family.

Somehow, doing less for people, and not trying to be better for them helped me make friends.

Weird, isn’t it?

I know.

But again, while all of this is good, how did it make me rich and fulfilled?

Saying Goodbye to Shame & Asking For More:

I always felt like I was a burden to people.

If I ask for anything, they might think I am imposing myself on them. If I voice my opinion, they might not like me anymore. If I ask for help, they might think I am clinging to them.

This is the reason I told you all about my friendship history.

But when I spent time alone and learned to be confident on my own, I realized that I am a really fun and amazing person. The more people I met, I found them liking me because apparently, they found me ‘great.’

My solitude period helped me to embrace my space and learn that I am not a burden but a human just as good as the next person.

This helped me to ASK FOR HELP.

It was tough for me to ask for help from anyone because I thought I might be disturbing them. Maybe they would think I am taking advantage of their friendship. Maybe they would think of me as stupid or weak who couldn’t do it on her own.

But again, meeting ‘myself in solitude and then making good friends later on’ helped me understand that people liked me. They don’t find me a burden but ‘great.’

So I started asking for help.

What did it do?

I first asked for help four years back I believe from one of my closest friends, Shiromani. He had a very successful Instagram page and I needed help with learning how to grow my page. I didn’t know him at all. But I messaged him and asked for help.

Not only did he help me but we had a two-hour long conversation where we shared our dreams, common problems, and interests. He is 7 years older than me but I have never felt ‘career-wise’ more understood and aligned with anyone but him.

But it didn’t end there. We became good friends quickly afterward. And I kept asking for help. I asked him to help me with setting up the margins in my book, and how to set up my PayPal account because I was having some troubles. He set up my Payoneer account and it took him an hour to do so.

If he wasn’t there to help me, I wouldn’t have been here.

Oh, and I also asked him to help to pick a cover for my book and he didn’t like it after my great trial so he designed it for me.

Then, when my book started selling a lot I was to receive payments from Amazon but I was facing some problems with my bank. I asked for help from my fellow Medium writer Nikhil Vemu who helped me for four long months and then further he helped me resolve the issue with my bank.

At every issue, I messaged him and he helped me.

Mind you, I didn’t even know him properly back then. We were a part of the same group and I just messaged him. He was so kind that he offered to help me when I didn’t know what I do.

Then, I was having difficulty with making money via Medium’s Partner Program so I messaged another great writer on Medium Niharikaa Kaur Sodhi to guide me. She didn’t know me but she helped me.

There are so many people who helped in so many ways that I can dedicate an entire book to them. If they hadn’t helped me, I would have been making the kind of money I do today. They guided me with no personal benefit or interest of their own.

Just a simple math — a human asked another human to help.

If I had been thinking ‘I don’t want to disturb anyone or I don’t want to be a burden to anyone’, I would have been crying in a corner for not having anything I loved.

If I had thought ‘But why would they help me, they don’t even know me?’, I would be looking out of my window with sad eyes and a broken heart.

But one change in my attitude towards myself made me rich in money and fulfilled in relationships.

My Advice To You; Conclusion:

You are not a burden to anyone.

You are a blessing in a human form.

Firstly, stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop adjusting. You don’t have to be MORE or BETTER for people who are ‘yours.’ Only the people who you know deep within you don’t belong with, you will have to wear a mask. You will always feel like a burden with them. Like they are doing charity by allowing you to blend in with them.

You can leave.

You can walk alone.

You can choose to embrace solitude for a while until you realize that you are a fun, amazing, smart, and absolutely great human.

The moment you start to respect yourself for who you are and realize that you are a stunner, you will become a people magnet. They all will love you and want to be with you. The choice, then, will be with you ‘who you select’ instead of trying to be selected as a mercy case.

It will make you confident. Confident enough to take space and ask for help without feeling like you are a burden.

When you ask for help, you get 10 steps ahead. Because someone who has already done what you are starting can tell you the basic mistakes to avoid. Someone who has what you want can give you that.

Of course, you will meet people who will leave your request on seen and ignore your plea for help. But that would be 2 in 10 cases.

Do you know why?

Because there will always be more good people than bad.

My request for help has been ignored a lot of times too. But my request for help has been accepted more generously that I don’t remember the bad experiences.

Also, remember, ‘As humans, still deep within our core, we feel more useful when we help people. It makes us feel more human. It makes us believe in our goodness.’

Ask yourself, ‘Would you help someone if they ask you to or will you ignore them thinking of them as a burden?’

Whatever your answer is, trust me, you will find the exact same kind of people around you. Or maybe the kindness you receive from the world will teach you ‘Lucky are those who can help someone in need.’

You will know the feeling of desperation to be helped. You will know how much courage it takes to ask for help. And how great it feels when someone is kind to you without rubbing it on your face. Perhaps, that will inspire you to be kind and helpful to those around you — creating the chain of good and kind people.

Concluding this article, I will just say one thing again — You are not a burden but a blessing. Ask for help and help will be given. It will make your journey easier and more reliable.

Also if you want to learn how to embrace solitude and learn how to belong to yourself, you can read my book — The Art of Being Alone: Loneliness Was My Cage, Solitude Is My Home.